Whoaaah! How did that happen? SEVEN hazy weeks have passed since the adorable Roxie Belle came rushing into our lives. Almost as fast as I rushed through the front doors of the Princess Alexandra hospital and came face to face with a TV crew, but that’s a different story. Anyway, I beat her to it and arrived with 40 minutes to spare. First parenting win, thank you very much.

So here I am, one tit out (standard) surrounded by milky muslins and crumbs, coming up for air halfway through the fourth trimester – which this time I have embraced. Sort of. On a good day.

Motherhood then…. second time around. Eeek! Now there’s a game changer if ever there was one, blowing my sanctimonious approach to parenting straight out of the water. Yes many things are in fact easier: feeding, not needing to Google the shit out of everything from mild skin rashes to the colour of poo, knowing how to deal with a car seat & collapse a pram, fastening the poppers on vests with one eye open in the dark. WIND….quite a lot of things actually.

But hell. There’s a whole lot more things that are hard. Really hard. Those wise old owls who stepped back, quietly aghast and with a pitiful smile before using words like “brave” and “interesting” might’ve been onto something. They might’ve also told me that I’m reckless and I might’ve preferred that.

Chaos. That’s what it is. Fucking chaos.

I can be up at 5:30am and I still can’t get out of the door at half 8. Everyone is always hungry at the same time and preparing meals is tricky with a cling on (or two). Oh and by the way, where did all this shit come from? There’s car seats and prams everywhere. I’m waging a never ending war against the clutter. You simply cannot win the war of tidiness with a toddler. They’re savage. They’re also ill quite a lot if the time (or teething) and there’s your super sized portion of Mum guilt, when you just can’t simultaneously comfort them both.

Heres a little secret that nobody tells you about…the crying. I was about to say crying in stereo but that’s not quite how it works in the secret code of babies. One of them stops and the other one starts, always. I now have a total of 60 nails to cut on a regular basis and has anybody seen the nail clippers??? No, because it doesn’t matter where you put anything, it gets picked up and deposited in the most random place. I tell you. If you ever need to hide something valuable within the confines if your home give it to a toddler. Nobody will be finding that in a hurry.

Gone has my tidy house and empty laundry bin. I’m actually quite envious of the cat. She comes and she goes. She sleeps, eats, theres an endless supply of biscuits. Occasionally she gets beaten up in her own garden but hey, I get beaten up in my own house with mega bricks and musical books.

Yet despite the chaos I find myself with an inner calm. I’ve got everything that I want in life right here. I made it that way myself (and with a bit of help from Alex). I’m incredibly lucky and I feel thankful for that every. single. day. There really is nothing in life that comes close to seeing him rush across the room to pat her when she’s crying, or try to wash her in the bath. And better than that? This is only the beginning….